It’s your first Christmas post-divorce, not just yours but your children’s and ex-spouse’s, and it will be an adjustment for everyone, but it doesn’t need to be painful. Here are a few ideas to help you avoid the stress during the Christmas Holidays. First agree on the visitation schedule, create new traditions, surprise your children, allow children to have more choice, say ‘No’ to booze, don’t fret on your finances, and actively rest. 

You should have already agreed to your visitation schedule, but regardless if you are or not the custodial parent, agree on the time and length of the children’s stay with you, your ex, or other relatives in advance. A key piece of advice here is be ready to make some exceptions, because there are multiple people involved, each with their own desires, needs, and hearts, you can set your family up for a ‘happier’ time by being flexible and understanding of exceptions. Maybe the ex-mother-in-law wants some extra-time, try to be accommodating, your children will see you in these moments, make them proud by being in the Holiday spirit and being joyful and accommodating.

Create new traditions for your changing family dynamics. Maybe that include a play or religious service, maybe it is caroling with the neighbors, maybe it is the trip to your parents that you usually only take on Thanksgiving, but do something that you could do again next year. When old traditions break, the best way to keep everyone positive is to replace to old tradition with a new one. Get input on this, you don’t have to do it alone, ask your kids, your parents, your friends, who knows maybe one of them will invite you and your children to be apart of their tradition.

Surprise your children, and if you are the primary guardian do not get angry if the kids think the ‘rare’ meetings with the other parent are a holiday or special; encourage your kids to enjoy their other parent. The holidays allow for many occasions to treat any particular day as “special,” the most important thing is to not count the hours or time spent with the children, but the quality of that time.

Allow your children to choose. We all want to be picked first, but we need to encourage our children to love each parent well, especially during the Holidays. If your child chooses to spend some extra time with the other parent, do not express jealousy or complain to them, but encourage them in their choices. 

Try not to over drink during the Holidays, say ‘No” to the booze, it is already a tough thing to spend your first Christmas post-divorce. Drinking can induce anxiety, self-pity, depression, or even worse, expressed anger.

Thinking about your finances is the one way to surely remove your Holiday Spirit, and your mood matters for how your kids perceive the Holidays. That doesn’t mean go spend all your money and don’t work, it just means stick to your budget and plan and don’t get stuck in your own head worrying about the money. If you’re feeling like you are not able to buy more material things, remember the that most special thing you can give is your time. Write a story to each child, or come up with a holiday game or quest, become a kid for awhile with your kids, they will think that is the best Santa gift ever.